merci & au revoir

A part of me has been in denial about leaving this blog.  The feedback and response has been more than I could have ever asked or hoped for.  This turned into something I've come to really enjoy and I will find another issue to blog about one day.  For now, I am ready to move on to something else.  And yes I'll say it, I am ready to move on to someone else.

Thanks for your support. 

Thanks for listening/reading.

More importantly,

Thanks for helping me heal.

merci & au revoir,

moi - xoxo

new york, i love you

I love San Francisco.  Paris, I love you too and I may even love you more.  However, New York was and will always be, my first love...

roller coaster

Belmont Park in San Diego, somewhere between the age of six and eight, I took my first roller coaster ride.  I was nervous, excited, and terribly frightened.  All of these emotions mixed with the racing of my heart and dropping of my stomach were new to me.  At some point I even ended up feeling sick.  However, from that day forward, when it came to roller coasters, I was hooked.

Jump to the present and these are the exact same feelings I have about love.  It can be a fun ride and leave you wanting more.  The adrenaline starts pumping and the excitement takes over.  You have you many ups and downs, along with those sharp and sometimes unexpected turns.  It can be fun but it can also get a little bumpy and cause you headaches.  While in the moment, these things do not bother you and you may even feel like nothing else exists.  

Then the ride stops.  It was a great ride.  Although you may feel a little dizzy and weak, you enjoyed it.  You may want another go at it, but chances are it won't be the same the second time around.  You do realize one thing, you are hooked to this ride we call love. 

So what's next?  Move on to the next ride.

Your ticket please.

changes.

whether its day to day, month to month, or within years.  we all change and grow.  the following video proves this fact.  enjoy.

to blog or not to blog? that is the question.

dear darlings,

i apologize for my lack of presence with this blog.  in all honesty, i have changed quite a bit.  this blog all started when i was feeling the need to put emotional energy into something creative.  it was very cathartic for me to sit and type rather than to wallow in my emotions.  don't get me wrong, it's good to address your emotions but it's never a good idea to dwell on them.  now that i have addressed most of my issues, i don't feel the need to use this as a release.  i have bittersweet feelings about this.  

bitter:  letting down my followers and subscribing readers

sweet:  knowing that this has touched a few people.  ex: a 19 year old girl who is finding herself through a failed relationship

bitter:  letting go of something i enjoyed

sweet:  knowing that i have moved on and found myself through this blog

this all started because of a breakup.  what does one do when the blogging (along with friends, family, and god) has helped me move on.  do i still blog?  i really have no idea what to do.

reunited, noe et moi

Dear Darlings,

Noe is in town and I am so excited!  This means I may be away for a few days.  We haven't seen each other since we met over a year ago in Paris.  We have a lot of catching up to do.  I hope everyone enjoys their holiday!  

happy Labor Day weekend!

xoxo, moi

Noe et moi à Monaco

enjoy life like harper.

Always remember to enjoy everyday of your life.  After all, you never know when it will be your last.  Sure, things may be hard at times and not enjoyable.  However, if we didn't have those times, we would not recognize when things are really good.  Love those around you and have not a care in the world. 

Live your life like Harper.

She has spent a year enjoying life.  And her loved ones have enjoyed a year of having her.  

Happy 1st Birthday Harper Magnolia!

 

charlotte and katie c.

charlotte, 

joyeux anniversaire! j'espere que toi as un bon anniversiare avec tes amis et famille. te me manques beaucoup ici à san francisco. je can't wait de toi voir à Paris un jour.  bisous!

katie c.,

happy birthday! i am grateful that erica introduced us, that e daly sure knows how to connect people! i look forward to spending the evening with you and your friends. until then, enjoy your day! bisous!

p.s. let's bust out the french/english talk tonight at le colonial. what do you call it...Franglais???

monthly checkup

Imagine for a moment if heart break or heart ache were actual medical conditions and we had to seek the help of a physician. If we had to endure monthly checkups, I would imagine mine would go something like this:

dr. amour: hello there. it's been two months since the incident, how are you feeling?

moi: better than i was two months ago, that's for sure.

dr. amour: any major aches and pains?

moi: major, no. however minor pains come and go

dr. amour: that is perfectly normal. should cease with time. are you experiencing any other symptoms?

moi: sometimes i feel like i am going through withdrawal and missing the cause of my condition. this mainly happens around bedtime.

dr. amour: hmmm. this sounds like you may have a case of missingcuddlingitis. again, this is normal. have you been engaging yourself in any activities to help with your condition?

moi: yes, i have been training for a half marathon, taking ballet, and surrounding myself with loved ones.

dr. amour: that is great to hear. cardio is great for the heart and your test results show that you're producing a great dose of endorphins. endorphins should definitely help ease any pain. from your x-rays i can tell that surrounding yourself with friends and family has healed your heart quite a bit. great work.

moi: yes, i noticed that i am feeling better and better everyday. although i still have those moments of weakness.

dr. amour: that's normal for the pain to resurface sometimes. just give yourself time and keep up with your activities. now if you excuse me, i must visit another patient. believe it or not, but your case is quite common and trust me, your case is minor and you are healing very well. keep up the good work and I'll see you next month.

moi: thanks doc, i really appreciate it

run.

Excuse me while a take a moment alone.

A moment to get lost in the sound of my breath, my music, 

And my feet hitting the pavement.

A time for me to sweat it out.

Breathing in fresh air and breathing out stress.

Feeling myself supported and guided by the wind.

Challenging my own physical strength, while clearing my mind.

Excuse me while I take a moment to run.

Not running away from life's woes,

Running toward them and defeating them. One mile at a time.

Not letting troubles get the best of me, 

But ultimately finding the best of me through my troubles.

Excuse those for mistaking me for being weak.

They seem to not know this very important thing:

As I run, my mind, body, and soul is getting stronger.

Now, excuse me, I need to run...

it's been a while...

Dear Darlings,

Sorry to leave you without any notice. That was not very responsible of me. I have been away on a much needed family vacation. I will be back with more posts soon!
Until then, enjoy this picture of my little brother and I at Disneyland's California Adventures!
Not to worry, he is not missing a leg, he's just posing weird.

xoxo,
moi

jenn and eric

Okay, so not everyone is breaking up these days. Thank God for that. Those relationships give us hope that love will work out if it's meant to be. Below is one great example of a successful relationship. A relationship that involves their love only growing stronger and stronger for each other...

"bling bling. i got the ring. we're engaged"

That was the message I received from one of my best friends. I am so happy for the two of them! It has been a long time coming and we all are excited for their big day. I wish them smooth planning for the wedding and of course, lots of love.

i wear dresses. and i am powerful.

I get a lot of comments about how I wear dresses and skirts all the time.  People say it's "cute".  No one ever says "she wears dresses, she must be strong and powerful".  There is something wrong with that.  

Erin Fetherston is my favorite young designer.  She designs for the woman that I like to think I am or will become.  She embraces femininity, while creating an image of a strong woman.  I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in gender equality that we forget to celebrate ourselves.  Yes, we women are equally as strong and powerful as men (if someone disagrees, just remind them that we are all human).  However we don't need to dress like them to prove that.  Whoever had the idea that we need to wear a pant suit to the office to be as powerful as a man, clearly had their knickers in a bunch.  Or they must of had cankles and in that case, yes, stick to your pant suit.  But if your matching knickers aren't bunched and you can distinct your calves from your ankles, well then wear a pretty dress or a skirt from time to time.  Or anything that makes you feel confident and also reflects your personality.

With anything I post, if you choose to follow my advice, just remember to make it your own.  Tailor it to your own needs.  We all can be inspired by each other and follow the ideas of others, but always stay true to yourself.  Never follow a path of another for too long or else you will eventually lose that strong leader you were destined to become...   

words of wisdom: cole

What you're going through is painful, but you don't have to suffer.  Suffering is a choice  You choose the way you think, which affects the way you feel, which affects what you do.  So you can go for runs, keep yourself busy, listen to happy music, talk with other friends (about other things), and treat yourself to some shopping.  All so that you are able to get through this.  Give yourself time to cry and be miserable but then- start to heal. 

the september issue

"Fashion is not about looking back.  It's always about looking forward"

- Anna Wintour

life is a highway

No matter what situations you're in, someone will most likely use a metaphor along the way.  I am guilty of saying, but also being told things like, "life is a roller coaster, you'll have ups and downs" and "the grass is always greener on the other side".  Sometimes it just works to use them.  Lately there has been one metaphor that has been on my mind, "life is a highway".  During hard times, life can also be full of road blocks, surprising pot holes, accidents, and other fools on the road.  But we have to adapt and learn how to avoid these dangers and keep ourselves (and perhaps any passengers) safe.  During the good times in life you may hit every green light, encounter only light/smooth traffic light, and you may even here good music along the way.  All of these little adventures on the "highway" will eventually take you to another place in your life.  Whether it's a new city or just a new attitude, you will learn a lot on your journey there. While thinking about all of this, I couldn't help but realize, "hey, if life is a highway, I cannot legally drive on it".  Why is that?  Well folks, I've never had a drivers license.  Go ahead, laugh it out.  I am slightly embarrassed, but the truth is, I never really needed it.  But thinking about this type of 'freedom' I was missing out on, I decided enough was enough.  I took my driving test this morning.  Yes, I passed.

Beep Beep.  Look who has the green light now...moi.

retail therapy: wrap me up

I used to think the only thing that could keep me warm and happy was "true love".  But what does that even mean?  While trying to figure that out, I realized that I didn't need to be wrapped up in the love from someone else.  Not right now anyway.  I need to love myself first and also be loved by family and friends.  But I also felt I needed something different.  Something that comes in many colors and sizes.  I was looking for something I could change once a year, twice a week, day to day, and even multiple times in the same day.  Meaning, I don't have to commit to just one.  Something that is soft on my skin (preferably my neck) and cute of course.  And yes, it must have that little bit of French-ness to it.  I found it here.  The love with that little je ne sais quoi...

Hello lover.

glass half full

So I'm not sure if this is a part of the healing process, but I thought I would give it a try.  I wanted to think about things that are now better due to the breakup.  Just to see the glass half  full, although can it really be in this situation?  Well, that's what I am trying to figure out.  So here goes...

A girl can always relate to Sex and the City.  Fast forward this scene to 9:40 and you'll get where Im going with this.

Lost in translation.  Put me in France and I'll deal with it.  But I'm not in France, so I am bound to feel excluded from the group.  Now in all fairness, I'm sure I was only in this situation once or twice and it probably lasted for less than 2 minutes.  But sometimes you do feel like the idiot that slows everyone down.  "hold on, pause for two minutes and lets paraphrase that whole conversation in English, s'il te plaît".  It's not a good feeling and I definitely will not miss that.  I have been practicing my French even more in hopes of being better prepared another time.  God willing, when the time is parfait,  my "Big" (whoever he is) and I will be able to speak great French together.  Now with my half full glass, I will definitely cheers to that!

love letter

my darling francisco,  

happy anniversary!  we have been together for a year now.  you are the best lover a young girl like myself could have.  although we've climbed some pretty steep hills together, we've made it work and i am so happy with you.  i appreciate all the good things you bring in my life.  the way you chauffeur me around with your many ways of transportation, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.   all of your international meals you make for me and all the diverse people i have met because of you.  i love your knowledge of art and culture.  and sweetheart, people LOVE you!  the tourists, the gays, the wealthy, the poor, the suburban moms, and even the drug addicts.  i talk to them and they can't get enough of my honey.  what can i say, you're lovable.  i love you and no matter what, you will always be apart of me.  i only ask that you make loving you a little bit more affordable.  i know you have great taste, as do i, but i really don't want to break the bank in our relationship together.  when the day comes that i leave you for Paris (don't act shocked, you've always known it would happen), know that you will always have a special place in my heart.  but until then, let's enjoy our time together.  just you and i.  and maybe the 808,976 other people i am sharing you with ;)

yours forever and always,

moi

ma souer

Unconditional Love

According to Wikipedia, unconditional love is "a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs...unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships".

I only have one sister.

She is the only one I would want to have.

For she loves me unconditionally.

my little paris

I think I just found my new favorite website.  Click me.

Photo Credit here

yael naim - too long

Why is it when you're going through a breakup, every song speaks to you?  A song comes on and we automatically relate to it.  It's like the artist wrote it for our healing process.  I listen to the following song and I think this represents what I chose to do.  I chose to find myself first and realized I wasn't strong enough to be in the relationship.  Is that really the message she is putting out there?  Who knows.  But maybe we become so absorbed with the breakup, that we make everything relatable.  No, that can't be it.  I'm pretty sure Yael Naim knew I would be going through this and she made her entire album for me.

I'ved waited for so long 

Outside myself
You see I was pretending 
To be someone else
I was longing to see 
Who I wanted to be

And I've been waiting on my own
I've been waiting for too long
Not strong enough to be with you
And I've been making up my world
I've been painting it with gold
Not strong enough to see you

- Yael Naim, Too Long.

Check out the video below!

Yael Naim et David Donatien "Too long"
by totoutard

love letter from hana

I’ve been trying to come up with the perfect thing to say
The perfect phrases, bible verse, quote….
Something that can make you smile and laugh,
Without feeling guilty. 
Something that may even make you cry, 
Without having thought about your heartache and pain.

It was then I soon began to think of our friendship
How it has evolved
Filled with beautiful memories
Our sisterhood 
Standing the test of time

Our bond is the source that keeps us grounded
The laughter we need
The cry we enjoy
The envy of others
The kindness of love 

In your times of need
Moments of fear
Instances of struggle
Occasions of joy
Moments of pure Happiness
Know that I am feeling the same

For throughout the years
It was the thought of our friendship
Our sisterhood
That has helped me through 

Hold me dear in your heart
For I am always here, and there for you.

relevé

Relevé, Fr., literally means "lifted".  In ballet it means rising from any position to balance on one or both feet.  

I've been making sure to do little activities that keep me happy.  I have been running, reading, attending mass, and yes, blogging.  Today I kept on with the "make myself happy" spirit and returned to ballet class.  At 10am on a Sunday, the last thing my body wanted to do was wake up for a hard and time consuming workout.  But I must say, I absolutely loved every minute of it.  Although my skills are only at a beginners level, I still enjoy it.  The goal is not to become a ballerina.  I am hoping to apply what I learn in ballet to everyday life.  Learning difficult and demanding positions, all while keeping myself poised and graceful.  Presenting myself with new challenges and confronting them with a smile on my face.  Learning how to keep balanced when situations get me down.  Learning how to relevé...

see you in my dreams

It's been a month now and I am starting to move on and keep my mind focused on other things.  However, there is one thing that I realized is beyond my control, my dreams.  All of my dreams have involved him in some way.  To be honest, I enjoy it.  I get to see him again, just him and I in the world that I used to be familiar with.  A dream world.  In the beginning this caused me to be sad, but that is not the case any longer.  I wake up feeling like I just spent quality time with my best friend.  This may sound crazy, but I now embrace it.  I embrace the fact that I can wake up with good feelings and memories of this person.  I embrace the fact that now saying goodbye can simply mean, "see you in my dreams".

tying the knot

i found the ring.

next, finding THE ONE?

hmm.  how about we pass on that idea.

for now anyway.

the only knot i plan on tying for a while is bow.

but it looks as if Dior is changing my mind.  

ask me with this ring, 

and i will happily be tied to you. 

forever.

breakup letter: suppressed appetite

dear suppressed appetite,

you know, i have bittersweet feelings for you.  when we first hooked up i was all about it.  couldn't get enough.  skip this meal, great, lets bring on the smaller waist!  it felt good to not be hungry for a bit.  even when i felt faint i thought "ohhh wow, so this is what being skinny feels like".  now, you did allow me to eat just enough to keep myself alive which was very thoughtful of you.  it was great to nibble on a meal and feel full pretty quickly.  i thought i was truly happy with you.  that was until you caused the most awful thing to happen.  you prevented me from enjoying a burrito.  how could you?  you know how crucial burritos are to my happiness.  i couldn't even enjoy the soggy last bite.  you know, the part where everything sinks to the bottom and is disgustingly good.  sorry but i have to draw the line now.  i don't know if i can trust you anymore.  i may be open to working something out in moderation.  but until then, give me back my burrito.

yours possibly never again,

moi 

Couldn't of said it better myself.  Thanks Chipotle

500 days of summer

i am so excited to see this movie tonight.  i wanted to see it at the sf film festival but didn't get the chance to.  but now the timing is perfect.  i think a movie about boy meets girl that isn't a love story is just what the doctor prescribed.  and did i mention it stars my favorite person ever, zooey deschannel.  i just hope they don't get back together in the end.  i mean for once can we just keep it real?

breakup playlist

Well,  I'm going to start embracing the fact that I am single again, just me, myself, and I.  I'll go ahead and realize that it was a lesson learned.  Sometimes you just have to let relationships burn.  It may be hard, but if you take it one step at a time, you'll start to realize your strength.  That you are a fighter.  I'm starting to now believe that if I never see your face again, I'll be fine because I am a survivor.  So to all my diva's, independent women and single ladies, let's take a bow.  We are special and deserve to be praised and wanted.  And if someone doesn't realize that, we can leave them with this message...shove it.

xoxo

Single Again - Trina

Me, Myself, and I - Beyoncé

Go Ahead - Alicia Keys

Lesson Learned - Alicia Keys

Burn - Usher

One Step At A Time - Jordan Sparks

Fighter - Christina Aguilera

If I Never See Your Face Again - Rihanna featuring Maroon 5

Survivor - Destiny's Child

Diva - Beyoncé

Independent Women - Destiny's Child

Single Ladies - Beyoncé.  (And yes, I can now put my hand up)

Take a Bow - Rihanna

Shove It - Santogold 

words of wisdom: facebook?

You are most like MARY MAGDALENE

She was forgiven much & loved much, and you certainly love much! You are a passionate person, who loves God & life. You have a tendency to count your blessings and be very grateful, even in small things. You are an over comer, and will not allow any life circumstances to hold you down.

Wow fb, thanks for the support!

the dress is too small

a conversation via text with one of my dearest friends.

elle:  take the overall feeling (of being sad from the breakup), wrap it up in a box, and give it to God.  package it nicely and tie it with a bow.  and then offer your pain up as a gift.

moi:  i'm trying but it keeps saying return to sender.

elle:  well, maybe you haven't put the right postage amount on it.  or maybe you don't want to let it go.

moi:  i think that's true.  it's like finding the perfect dress.  great price, color, everything.  but the fit is slightly off, it's those damn european sizes!  i don't want to let it go because i think i will be able to make it work one day.  so i just keep it in the closet.

elle:  right, what you really need to do is give it to the goodwill. or a consignment shop.  depending on if you think the dress was designer or not.  so someone else can enjoy it!

moi:  well, it was made in france, so it's definitely going to a consignment shop.

 

elle:  i know it's hard, but you've already started by pulling it out of your closet and even putting it in a bag.  now, you gotta drop it off, otherwise you will just keep thinking about it.

elle:  next time when you are at the store and the dress does not fit, we have to leave it on the rack and walk away.

Lesson Learned:

No matter how great the dress may be or how great you may look in it,

if the fit is slightly wrong, don't take any chances.  return it immediately before it splits...

words of wisdom: steph

The

earth

that

you

fall

down

on,

is

the

very

same

earth

that

helps

you

stand

back

up.

makes me happy: vive la france

J'adore.






















This inspiration board was created on Snippet and Ink. Check out more here.

love letter

Dear Sofia Coppola,

I just wanted to say "Thank You". Thank you for thinking of me while making this commercial. That was so very kind of you to put a few of my favorite things in a 46 second advertisement. It must have been a challenge but you made it seem effortless. The dresses, the desserts, the balloons, Paris, and my favorite fragrance all in one! Wow, you went above and beyond making me happy. No worries, I can disregard the fact that the girl looks nothing like me. I know you must of cared about my privacy and keeping me anonymous. I understand. Again, you are so thoughtful. You are an amazing artist and your talent shows through your work. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

p.s. love your champagne!

xoxo,

moi

mon frére

Happy Birthday to my brother Mo! He is eleven years old today and that is a blessing! Below is a picture that we took eleven years ago, crazy how fast time can pass by. He is the strongest little person I know and I am so proud of him. He enjoys the simplest things in life, which we all love him for that. I love everything about him. Happy Birthday Mo!

vogue therapy

Once a month, I receive a wonderful gift. A gift that makes me proud to be a woman. A gift from the fashion God herself, Anna Wintour. Every month I receive VOGUE. To me and so many of it's followers, it is the fashion bible. All neatly wrapped in plastic that apparently never bends, causing every page to be crisp. So crisp that it is worth every paper cut I receive. Vogue reminds me of how fashion is truly an art. The designers, the photographers, the editors, and the models. They all create this fashion magazine masterpiece. As soon as I open an issue of this fashion bible, I slip away into a fantasy world. This fantasy world allows me to think about other things and also creates the drive in me to succeed in the fashion industry. But most importantly it allows me to see how divine we women are. We should be celebrated and put in pretty designer clothes, shouldn't we? Vogue seems to think so.

breakup letter: lethargy

dear lethargy,

i cheated on you. i cheated on you by running last night and that gave me a burst of energy. i know energy is your worst enemy so this must break your heart. well, I'm sorry but i had to get away from your overbearing presence. you put me in a state of laziness, drowsiness, and made me feel sluggish. that isn't healthy for anyone. you knew how much i loved being energetic and full of life. why would you take that away from me? i know you can't help it, so i have to help myself. i have to leave you. sorry it can't be our usual slow drawn out process, i must leave you now. while i still have the energy...

never yours again,

moi

music therapy: new soul

I've always loved this song and now it has a new meaning to me. Dealing with this wound (yes, a minor one in the grand scheme of things), has awakened me. It's awakened me to myself. I am learning and growing into a much stronger woman. Will I still struggle and have moments of weakness, of course. But that can only make me stronger. And that is why I am taking the time to share this with everyone. I am sharing the new person I am discovering. Sharing what makes her happy, those that support her, and what she is doing in order to move forward. I am sharing my new soul...

Yael Naim et David Donatien "New Soul"
Uploaded by totoutard. - See the latest featured music videos.

words of wisdom: aimee

You lost a friend yes, your best friend, but for a reason.

You followed your gut and your heart and its turning out to be the right reason.

You didn't lose, you learned.  It's hard I know, but change the view as a lesson learned.

You are a different person and will be a different person in different aspects because of what you learned from him.

So you can sit and dwell.  OR, you can pull yourself up by the boot straps and realize that you are a beautiful woman with a big heart and a lot of life to live.